Untitled. . .

It’s crazy how you can google my name and see all the cool shit I’ve written
And how you can still check and know that I’m okay
Know that I’m okay and you had nothing to do with it
And that in half of my life I’ve accomplished more than you have in your whole
Life, has a crazy way of showing us things like
Where would I be if I’d done what I really wanted to you?
You heard curses but your ears fell silent to the death wish I praying for you
And the madness of me pacing the floors in your home
Trying to talk myself out of it, out of killing you
It’s crazy
I’m crazy
And it’s you that made me this way
I hope that statement gives you so much power that you fall ill
I mean, I’m still a work in progress
Namaste and shit
I’m good
You good
51 years later and you have a legit job
And it’s sad to say that I won’t congratulate you
Even though I praised you for all the illegal wrongs you’ve committed
Lord forgive me
Forgive me for my actions and some of my words toward the man
You bestowed the most prestigious job of being my father
Forgive me for wanting to take his life and at one point my own
Forgive me for my stubbornness, holding on when you said let go
Forgive me for me not forgiving me for so long
23 years later and you have a daughter all grown
And it’s sad to say that she is me, you don’t even know
Even though she was nearly the image of you
But you good
I’m good
Namaste and shit
I mean, I’m a work in progress
So things still flow out of my mouth
As bluntly as ever
Be proud
You made me this way
It’s crazy
I’m crazy
For placing you on pedestal and
holding you up to keep you there
For thinking I could or I should apologize and
We could move forward move on
For crying those tears I cried that day in church
Letting it all and you go then
Revisiting it all
I’m crazy
No your crazy
For leaving a job undone

-Viola Constance

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