Give me Back ME

Like two people discovering each other’s bodies
I was looking to discover love while under you
Like a fool fallen for falseness
I dove head first in deep

Gave you me
My hands, my thighs, my lips, my curves
The outer and the inner of my being
Including my heart was yours entirely

Wrote your name one thousand times
On scraps of paper, notebooks, folders
As if that would somehow truly make you mine
Thought one day I’d have your kids
Names written on pages same last name as yours

In the beginning there was a nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach
Thought the butterflies had exploded and I had finally gotten a hold of
The feelings that I felt so deeply for you and your perfectly imperfect being
That feeling of non-explosive butterflies bursting in the pit of me came back

I mistook the morning sickness for butterflies
From what I’ve been told it’s a horrid feeling
A feeling that feels much like my “symptoms of stress” as my mom says

Stress
That’s what I thought it was
Even with the blood that oozed out and ran between my thighs
The clots and tears of children that would never be or see life
That pregnancy like this so-called relationship was over
Before I knew it, that baby would never be
At least not in this lifetime with you and me

While I was building a foundation for our future
Working my way up into my career and
Looking for any and every possible job opportunity for you
You were busy taking pieces and laying them elsewhere
With the same intentions I had
Just with her, the one who beyond doubt held your heart

I fought for this love
When I pushed you pulled
When I’d give you’d take
I stayed, lost myself in you and became lovelorn
And torn, wondering about my unborn
Our unborn, that I miscarried
That I shed tears for and you never knew
Knew that I’d truly given all of me to you

Give me back my time that you’ve spent not even a single silver dime for
Give me back my heart that you’ve held onto even though you had no intention of attempting forever with me
Just let it be I’m finally free the lust is over
Give me back me

-Viola Constance

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