Does anyone dread this question as much as I do? I’ve been asked by both males and females, elder, peers, and even children! There isn’t anything wrong with being single. I have always thought that. I still believe that. I’ve been really thinking about it lately due to, I guess my biological clock ticking a bit louder and actually wanting to be in a for real committed relationship.
I’ve been thoroughly thinking about this since watching an episode of one of my FAAAAAVVVV web-series “Sexless.” In episode 10 of season 2 Terrance, who is basically trying to build with Wendy, asked her why was she single. After thinking out loud “I don’t know why she single! She’s fine, she’s fun, and she’s intelligent…” I immediately cringed then became annoyed. Not by his curiosity, but by my own singleness. I have soo many things in common with this character. Him asking her that question made me uncomfortable. That is an uncomfortable question for me period, even if it isn’t geared toward me. It doesn’t cause me discomfort because I am single, but because dammnit I wonder the same thing and I do not have a solid answer for it! Why am I single!? LOL Jokes aside, I can only guess, but sometimes I think are those just excuses or nah? I loved Wendy’s answers.
In short, she answered, “I work a lot no time to date and meet other people. Guys I meet aren’t my style. They want to be courted; they want you to ask them out, take the lead… I don’t know.” I agree with some of those things for sure! I also will not settle just to say that I am with someone or in a relationship. But the part of her answer I loved was her saying she doesn’t know. The honesty. The feeling behind it is something I know all to well.
So let me openly be honest and publicly answer why am I single.
Aside from simply not knowing, I am not open enough to mingling and getting to know new people. I mean, I can be social and hold conversation, but it is draining when I don’t feel a connection. I know, I know. How can a connection be made if I don’t give it a try? Well, for starters, surface level conversation (you know the fluffy, typical dialogue to pass time including likes and dislikes and weather talk) kills me. Like, literal death. I’ve been hanging on by a thread too many times. I know, who wants to have heavy talks all of the time, but sheesh I need something real.
I could possibly be single due to the fact that I am not really a vulnerable individual. I don’t really show or share my emotions or feelings with others aside from extreme anger or through the roof joy and excitement. I can sometimes lack sensitivity, unless you’re a child or elder. If I whole-heartedly don’t feel it, if I don’t truly believe it I won’t even bother to fake it.
That seems like a list of “all bad” stuff, but no there’s some good things in there somewhere.
- I won’t settle
- Although I want someone who is fun and I’d be able to create memories with, I want a lifetime . . . without the dating process. (going through different people…wait…that kind of sounds bad)
- I want a relationship with someone who can be aggressive and take the lead, but who isn’t afraid to take the back seat if and when needed.
- I want someone who can share their imperfections with me and possibly find the beauty within my own imperfections.
- Like anyone else, above all, I’d like real, honest love.
I could be single because I’m used to being single. I’ve been single for longer periods of time than in relationships. Maybe I don’t know how to be a part of a relationship? There’s a question mark there because I am puzzled. Does that even make sense and is that possible? Hmm. Eh, I’m speaking as truthfully as I can in Vi language if you can decipher it.
Like Wendy and plenty of other people who are possibly good catches, I just don’t know why I am single.