When I was thinking about friendships past and present and wrote my previous blog post I did not think about the friendships that failed I did not think about the friendships that ended and left me feeling bad. I decided I wouldn’t write about the downer until I read about for intimacy and in that article disposable friends were mentioned. I looked into this term more, and it kind of hit me. In these so-called friendships that ended and still stung me a bit, I was a disposable friend. I could not recall them being true friends to me the way that I had been to them. They were around and called me to be there when they needed it for be it for comfort, support, encouragement, love or entertainment. Both males and females.
The definition of disposable friend is a person who is used by others at their own convenience. They’re there when you when needed and forgotten afterwards. It’s always bothered me. A sort of sadness that’s kept me wondering what did I do wrong? I am a closure type of person. Tell me how you feel. No sugarcoating, no chaser, just straight up. Can I say I’ve always done the same… No.
There was one guy friend whom I just fell off the face of the Earth with. From my perspective – without telling all of the business- it was appropriate at the time. In this particular situation I did not dispose of him as a friend. But I saw that he dispose of me as a friend. I felt disrespected and offended by some of his actions toward me. Did I vocalize that back then, no! Was I being childish, maybe a little bit, because I couldn’t understand how he did not know and more importantly I did not want him to further lie to me. I’m always going to make the effort effort to be a great friend it isn’t always reciprocated or accepted. Effort to communicate to work things out. I like having peace of mind and calm waters with folks but I digress. Back to the topic at hand.
People aren’t disposable. Sometimes we suffer or Greater Los when we simply cut someone out of our lives. I’m not saying it’s never okay to push anyone away as there are certain cases like abuse and cause of unhealthy habits that cost for such actions as these. But talk it out even if you need to take a moment to gather your thoughts and feelings. Was it something said or done? Did that action trigger something for you? Does this friend know this?
As I slowly make new friends in my new “home-state” I’m learning this more. I’ve already had a minor hiccup with someone I think is a good friend. He was willing to communicate and I was open to talking no matter how exposed I felt or if I thought he’d judge me. I’ve realized in those so-called failed relationships, this didn’t happen with those so-called friends in those previous friendships. I realized I was always the one putting in the effort and getting sidelined.
I had to learn that in friendships just like with love, not everyone knows how to be a friend or can accept when they have a true friend.