Can You Get Cold Feet Without the Wedding?

Is there a term or phrase for someone who displays “cold feet” when you’re not getting married or in a serious relationship for that matter? Is it just called nerves? I mean it’s happening left and right to men and women. I’ve had conversations with others who have shared that they felt a certain situation or relationship was moving up and on on a more serious exclusive note, but then it all turns to shit. Oh boy how much I could relate. What’s up with that?

As I’ve previously mentioned the individual I’d become very fond of and more than just interested in fell off of the face of the earth. In his fashion he resurfaced and I wasn’t really here for it for numerous reasons. For the sake of space and sanity I’ll just share that I felt his pop ups in and out of my life weren’t healthy to or for me. Those moments we did reconnect there was always something negative he had to share, someone else he was rubbing in my face, or him down in the pits on a wooh is me trip. If it were good, I felt he’d find a way to piss on it. He’d get an attitude out of nowhere and I was left trying to figure out what I said wrong or how did I trigger that attitude. But it wasn’t me though! And I am not alone.

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Why Do The Good Ones Get Overlooked?

Recently I’ve been having plenty of interesting talks with men ranging from ages 22 to 43 about relationships and why we all are single. The conversations have been very interesting and some things that some of these men brought up sound very similar to things I’ve heard my single girlfriends say.

“I want my bestfriend, girlfriend, lover, homie to be all one person. I want us to have like that Instagram picture-perfect relationship minus the Instagram part.” – Rick, 33

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Let’s Talk Religion: Belief in Passing it on

This is a topic that I’ve always wanted to discuss but never felt comfortable enough to do so. Even in private conversations I’ve never wanted to join in and speak my two cents. One of the first somewhat in depth conversations pertaining to religion was with a few of my college roommates. Two of them were finishing up a course in religion and had to write a paper. One of them had asked how do I identify in terms of religion and why. I’d given my answer but there was a but. I wanted to finally speak my truth and realized myself how long I’d been holding this in. The second time I’d had a conversation with my Uncle in regards to religion and my thoughts and feelings about church. That first conversation I was about 18 or 19 the second was around age 22, and now at 25 I’m revisiting this topic. Because of the unanswered questions, because of the doubt, because of the future and possibly my children and because recently a friend got baptistized and re-dedicated herself to the Lord… And I thought it great and was confused all at once.

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Hiatus Over: Back to Business

I don’t fear being alone or in the company of others. I fear becoming involved with someone and them leaving me. Be it in a friendship or a relationship. It takes so much out of me. It’s tough opening up to someone and allowing them in. It’s far more difficult to let go when I’ve made a place for them in my heart. The emptiness is what hurts because that hollow space was customly created for that one being. It can never be filled…

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He Told Me He Was Depressed, I Deleted His Number

I know that title seems harsh, but it’s fact. It had nothing to do with him being depressed or not being able to deal with whatever may come with that. Heck, I’ve been depressed before and I know that depression affects each person differently as well as each person finding different ways to cope with what their feeling and trying to make sense of it. It’s tough. Anywhos, earlier this month Proud Dad/Long Distant (PD/LD) called me after months of strained communication. During this brief conversation he asked had I  ever been depressed to which I’d answered yes (I’d shared this with him before, but did not say that to him). He asked how did I overcome it. I told him I honestly can’t pin point one thing. I told him after some time I was tired of feeling tired, down and feeling sorry for myself. I couldn’t stand being in that state mentally or physically especially when I compared all of the things I’d gone through both good and bad, wanting to end my own life and all I’ve accomplished after the moment I decided to truly live. I’d be fighting hard to live and I had to mentally hype myself up to continue on. I told him I remembered what my mother and so many other black elders had told me and other before, “the worst thing that could happen is they say no” and “a no doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world does it?”. I was literally lying in bed feeling drained from just simple daily tasks (showering, eating and going to work) when I said you know what I’m going to just go for everything I’ve been wanting to do. I’d also decided I’d go sky diving and after not splattering all of the ground I pushed forward. I’d asked PD/LD if any of that even made any sense to him and apologized if I hadn’t been of any help.

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Poetry Post 7: Unity Poem 2

I see the way you look at me
the way you stare
those eyes full of hate
your judgmental glares.

I’m not a size two

nor do I care about the coil or kink of my hair

I won’t apologize for my self-love

that you can’t bare

a beautiful woman of color

nothing can compare.
I hear your disapproving whispers
your pointing fingers

because of the beauty you fail to see

And a love you don’t understand
Mad cus we interracial
I call to embrace reappraisal

with it my magnificence glows

You try your hardest to make my highs

so low, your mindset is so skin deep
it makes me cynical, makes me livid, makes me weep!

 

Your insults will no longer bring us down

We will come together black & brown

Strength and courage to uplift us

You can continue to fuss

We are minorities no longer

We’re making a comeback

We coming back stronger

Brown & black

The underdogs no more

Higher and higher together we soar

Like Maya Angelou we will rise

To your hate we say our goodbyes

You can no longer enslave us our minds are free

Today we let go of your negative thoughts towards we.

 

By: Stephanie Cofield & Viola Constance

Insecurities

I never thought I’d be a person with insecurities. I am in no way a cocky person. I was raised and groomed to have confidence. My insecurities have always been more so with health issues than image. I was insecure about my insecurities. I’d never had a declining moment with self esteem during my adolescent years, but it took a hit during my college years. Growing up I didn’t have any major skin issues aside from what we all assumed to be a heat rash. Every summer (or so it seemed) I’d get little red bumps on one of my forearms. It happened other times when my body seemed to get overheated. The rashes lasted no longer than three or four days so there was no need to go to the doctor.

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