Dating in 2019 is tough. It’s tough when you want that old school, R & B, loyal type of relationship. That send you songs throughout the day, fall asleep on the phone connection. But for some reason we are stuck with situationships, casual dating/sex, pre-dating and a whole host of other bullshit. Why are we afraid of commitment? Why are we so afraid to take risks in terms of relationships? Why are we not so open to finding love?
Since I caught wind that Ava DuVernay was creating a mini series about the “Central Park 5,” I was overcome with emotion. I was excited, because although there was previous documentaries and coverage of this notable case, it just feels different when it’s coming form “one of us.” I was thrilled, because not only did I believe Ava would do right by the five men whose childhoods were cut short because of this, but I felt she would dig deep and research and share things that were previously unknown.
The toughest thing for me since being here has been the job hunt! I’ve never been one to give up easily nor have I been “unemployed” for longer than 3 months (a summer’s time). But coming here I felt like it was a fresh chapter and with my educational background and work ethic I’d get into one of my chosen career fields “in no time.” I mean heck I’d done it numerous times with ease in Los Angeles (a big city) and I had no problem in Fresno (where I got my adult start), so what would be the challenge here besides hella miles, wide open spaces and what I’d thought would be a small decrease in pay?
Continue readingI’ve been struggling with what I wanted to share next. I haven’t had any real inspiration as of late. It seemingly has been blocked. I don’t know by what, I’m assuming by self. I’ve been listening to those around me and I’ve even asked others what I should write next. With suggested topics, I found that, well everything offered sucked! I mean, that’s how I initially felt. Why did they suck? Because I had no connections to them. I haven’t experienced or fully experienced some of these things that others thought would be good to explore and discuss. I’m connected to the things that I write. I FEEL the things I write and to me it would be a disservice to my readers if I did simply typed out things that I thought people just wanted to read. I need to relate to it so others can relate to it. That’s how conversations go, right?
Until our next conversation dear friends,
– Viola Constance
I’m back! Again. After about one month of blog silence, I’m back. I didn’t have brain freeze, nor was it due to lack of content, but homeslessness. Yes, you read that right. I’ve been struggling with accepting it and sharing it with others other than those involved and my mother. It was tough, but now I’m ready and able to share.
In the last 3 months I’ve moved at total of four times. Yes, you read right, four. Not really by choice if you will, but more so for a purpose. In my hiatus, I stressed about not being employed for a spell, not being about to contribute to household bills let alone clear my credit cards and more. And in the same breath I began working on myself inside and out. I completed a gratitude challenge with 21ninety, I kicked out cash (my last at the time that was gifted to me for a new camera) that I really didn’t have for a 6-week gym challenge and membership. Aside from caring for myself, I would also be caring for my six-year-old niece part-time. It didn’t seem like a lot. The bigger picture was always in mind.
I’m learning to embrace all aspects of my journey. Before, I honestly despised reflecting on the negative things that have occurred in my life. I guess that was my (unhealthy) way of coping. I’ve grown and matured in a way that allows me to reflect and not dwell on the past hurts. I’m learning to reflect, feel, acknowledge and continue forward. Always forward.
I think one of the biggest life lessons I’ve learned [so far] this year is that the truth isn’t for everyone. Everyone can’t handle the truth. Everyone doesn’t want to face their truth, whatever that may be. I try to be as honest, as truthful and up-front as I can possibly can. Not in regards to solely my own feelings and opinions, but that of others as well. I’ve found that just because someone says they want honesty doesn’t mean honesty 24/7 and in every realm. I’ve noticed that words and actions do not always match up. My eyes have been opened to see that just because the truth is my truth, honesty is my route and having others deliver it to me “straight with no chaser,” doesn’t mean that is how everyone else, even those I love and care about wish to receive information. It’s been said that you don’t have to look far for the truth if you really want it and I can attest to that. I have to realize that I cannot help or shelter everyone I love.
viola constance 