Moving: Hardest Pill to Swollow

The toughest thing for me since being here has been the job hunt! I’ve never been one to give up easily nor have I been “unemployed” for longer than 3 months (a summer’s time). But coming here I felt like it was a fresh chapter and with my educational background and work ethic I’d get into one of my chosen career fields “in no time.” I mean heck I’d done it numerous times with ease in Los Angeles (a big city) and I had no problem in Fresno (where I got my adult start), so what would be the challenge here besides hella miles, wide open spaces and what I’d thought would be a small decrease in pay?

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When will it be Enough?

Emotions and vulnerability are things that I have always struggled with. It is tough for me to open up to others on an emotional level. When I was younger I cried for everything, just a big ole softy. As life progressed I harden from situations mainly with family and “friends.” But even throughout the transition from shy, happy-all-the-time, crybaby Vi to bold, laid-back, angry quiet Vi I’ve always dealt with other people’s emotions better than my own.

I know it may seem like a big contradiction considering some of the things I’ve shared on here and on my Tumblr, but it’s true. It is easy for me to be vulnerable for someone else and help them through a tough and maybe emotional situation, but it’s a huge struggle for me to deal with my own. I usually bottle up my personal issues and release it far after. And even when that happens, I feel a bit of regret and anxiety as to why I’d shared that information/moment with someone when I don’t feel like I’m being listened to or the person I confined in isn’t attempting to understand where I’m coming from.

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Quarter Life Crisis Before the Quarter Mark

This post is pretty overdue. The initial thought about posting about my experience of a quarter life crisis was kind of intriguing. I’d discussed it with a few of my peers and a couple of elders from my family. I tried several times to sit and type (and hand write and voice record) this post and each time I backed out. How could I be afraid to open up and share this? I mean I wasn’t embarrassed or anything. And, well, yeah I wasn’t exactly 25 years old just yet (I was 23 at the time, see told you it was overdue). That was a cop-out of an excuse, I know, I know, but honestly the thought of putting it down, giving it life, having to momentarily relive some of those feelings wasn’t appealing at all. But after seeing that awful draft of a partial sentence and a title I finally got the guts to put it out, at age 25! Oh the irony.

Two years ago I was deeply in my feelings about life in general. I couldn’t understand for the life of me why Continue reading