Grief: Taking Others for Granted, Mourning Flowers Never Given

Grief.

Grief can take on many forms. It comes in different shades, shapes and many levels. It’s not lateral. Nor vertical . There’s no formula for it. There’s no way to tell when it will begin or end.

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Moving: Experiences VS Expectations

I’ve now officially been a Georgia resident for 6 months now and living in the state for almost 9 months. Of course there were going to be some major changes; not being able to go to the beach at the drop of a dime, an actual change in seasons, and the dreaded decrease in pay. I know all of that just seems negative, but the greater goal here was to get property in the family, get my big sister into medical school and to find new challenges.

I think all of the small possible challenges met me at once. Here’s a list of my experiences and my expectations coming to Georgia.

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Life After College: Educated & Unemployed

I originally wrote about trying to get work in the real world after college in 2013 and again in 2015. Well, here it is yet again in 2019. Since the last Life After College post I’ve gone back to school again and obtained my masters of arts degree in journalism. I felt that I needed to learn more and gain more hands on experience to keep my skills up-to-date as well as my resume and of course to gain internships and network. I was able to do all of those things in college, but after graduating it seemed to get more difficult. I continuously applied to job after job, internship after internship. I reached out to people who I felt could direct me and that I’d built report with. Nothing came through. Not a paid job in the field or a “connect” in the field. It was a hard disappointment.

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What About Your Friends: vol. 2, The Power of Friendship

About one month ago I posted the following to my snap:

“Love my friends. We’re all walking down our own paths, but to still be there for one another no matter the distance, time difference, etc…” posted on voila.its.viola on 8/2/18

This hit me at a time where I felt like I had just gotten it all together and now it was falling apart and all I could do was smile. I had been in a constant communication with two friends (Domo and Drea) who I basically share almost everything with. I’d been a little in my feelings about other friends that are never around or answer when I need them, but I’m always there for them.

My friend Mario called me via Facebook at bootycall hours. At first I wasn’t going to answer, but after just waking up from a horrible dream and reading a bible verse I picked up. Something told me to talk to him. Plus, I’ve come to learn that when folks call at that hour it’s usually bad news. At first I joked with him “hey man, what I tell you about calling me during these hour?” Lol. He apologized and shared with me the loss of his mother. Continue reading

6-Week Fitness Challenge

Yesterday my fitness challenge has ended and I am disappointed. Eh, maybe not disappointed, but I feel a ways about it. Not with the program. Not with the journey. And believe it or not not with myself. My own personal fitness goals were to start eating better, drop some pounds (at least 10), and more importantly loose body fat. I’m still not sure exactly what besides not meeting the goal the gym set for me. Loose 6 percent body fat. My BMI was high y’all. I feel something like a failure.

I knew it would be challenging as I am not as young or active as I used to be. However, I was pushing myself to stick to it and give my all for the results, not just temporarily but for life. In the beginning I wasn’t seeing results, but during weigh in the results were there and a bit unbelievable to me. Then halfway into to it, it seemed to flip. I was losing pounds and body fat and BOMB, all of a sudden body fat increases. It hit me hard.

Beginning weigh in: 159lbs and 29% body fat

Final weigh in: 147lbs and 26% body fat

Reflections on 2018 Thus Far

I’m learning to embrace all aspects of my journey. Before, I honestly despised reflecting on the negative things that have occurred in my life. I guess that was my (unhealthy) way of coping. I’ve grown and matured in a way that allows me to reflect and not dwell on the past hurts. I’m learning to reflect, feel, acknowledge and continue forward. Always forward.

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Poetry Post: Have You Seen My Smile?

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen my smile

And I’m not too sure if I’ll ever find it

I’ve searched all over

inward, outward

Occupied my time with busyness

all the while I’ve walked around

with various smiles plastered on my face

which all have received wide acceptance from the outside world but

underneath it I’ve been so uncomfortable

willing to compromise ANYTHING to escape

this feeling and find MY smile

I’m at a crossroad

I’m not sure I even want to find it anymore

I’ve tried

alone, to gather others in hopes of finding my smile

Have you seen it? . . . (to be continued…maybe)

 

 

– Viola Constance