I originally wrote about trying to get work in the real world after college in 2013 and again in 2015. Well, here it is yet again in 2019. Since the last Life After College post I’ve gone back to school again and obtained my masters of arts degree in journalism. I felt that I needed to learn more and gain more hands on experience to keep my skills up-to-date as well as my resume and of course to gain internships and network. I was able to do all of those things in college, but after graduating it seemed to get more difficult. I continuously applied to job after job, internship after internship. I reached out to people who I felt could direct me and that I’d built report with. Nothing came through. Not a paid job in the field or a “connect” in the field. It was a hard disappointment.Continue reading
Yesterday my fitness challenge has ended and I am disappointed. Eh, maybe not disappointed, but I feel a ways about it. Not with the program. Not with the journey. And believe it or not not with myself. My own personal fitness goals were to start eating better, drop some pounds (at least 10), and more importantly loose body fat. I’m still not sure exactly what besides not meeting the goal the gym set for me. Loose 6 percent body fat. My BMI was high y’all. I feel something like a failure.
I knew it would be challenging as I am not as young or active as I used to be. However, I was pushing myself to stick to it and give my all for the results, not just temporarily but for life. In the beginning I wasn’t seeing results, but during weigh in the results were there and a bit unbelievable to me. Then halfway into to it, it seemed to flip. I was losing pounds and body fat and BOMB, all of a sudden body fat increases. It hit me hard.
Beginning weigh in: 159lbs and 29% body fat
Final weigh in: 147lbs and 26% body fat
I’m learning to embrace all aspects of my journey. Before, I honestly despised reflecting on the negative things that have occurred in my life. I guess that was my (unhealthy) way of coping. I’ve grown and matured in a way that allows me to reflect and not dwell on the past hurts. I’m learning to reflect, feel, acknowledge and continue forward. Always forward.
It’s been awhile since I’ve seen my smile
And I’m not too sure if I’ll ever find it
I’ve searched all over
Occupied my time with busyness
all the while I’ve walked around
with various smiles plastered on my face
which all have received wide acceptance from the outside world but
underneath it I’ve been so uncomfortable
willing to compromise ANYTHING to escape
this feeling and find MY smile
I’m at a crossroad
I’m not sure I even want to find it anymore
alone, to gather others in hopes of finding my smile
Have you seen it? . . . (to be continued…maybe)
– Viola Constance
I think one of the biggest life lessons I’ve learned [so far] this year is that the truth isn’t for everyone. Everyone can’t handle the truth. Everyone doesn’t want to face their truth, whatever that may be. I try to be as honest, as truthful and up-front as I can possibly can. Not in regards to solely my own feelings and opinions, but that of others as well. I’ve found that just because someone says they want honesty doesn’t mean honesty 24/7 and in every realm. I’ve noticed that words and actions do not always match up. My eyes have been opened to see that just because the truth is my truth, honesty is my route and having others deliver it to me “straight with no chaser,” doesn’t mean that is how everyone else, even those I love and care about wish to receive information. It’s been said that you don’t have to look far for the truth if you really want it and I can attest to that. I have to realize that I cannot help or shelter everyone I love.
I don’t fear being alone or in the company of others. I fear becoming involved with someone and them leaving me. Be it in a friendship or a relationship. It takes so much out of me. It’s tough opening up to someone and allowing them in. It’s far more difficult to let go when I’ve made a place for them in my heart. The emptiness is what hurts because that hollow space was customly created for that one being. It can never be filled…