I don’t fear being alone or in the company of others. I fear becoming involved with someone and them leaving me. Be it in a friendship or a relationship. It takes so much out of me. It’s tough opening up to someone and allowing them in. It’s far more difficult to let go when I’ve made a place for them in my heart. The emptiness is what hurts because that hollow space was customly created for that one being. It can never be filled…
I see the way you look at me
the way you stare
those eyes full of hate
your judgmental glares.
I’m not a size two
nor do I care about the coil or kink of my hair
I won’t apologize for my self-love
that you can’t bare
a beautiful woman of color
nothing can compare.
I hear your disapproving whispers
your pointing fingers
because of the beauty you fail to see
And a love you don’t understand
Mad cus we interracial
I call to embrace reappraisal
with it my magnificence glows
You try your hardest to make my highs
so low, your mindset is so skin deep
it makes me cynical, makes me livid, makes me weep!
Your insults will no longer bring us down
We will come together black & brown
Strength and courage to uplift us
You can continue to fuss
We are minorities no longer
We’re making a comeback
We coming back stronger
Brown & black
The underdogs no more
Higher and higher together we soar
Like Maya Angelou we will rise
To your hate we say our goodbyes
You can no longer enslave us our minds are free
Today we let go of your negative thoughts towards we.
By: Stephanie Cofield & Viola Constance
I never thought I’d be a person with insecurities. I am in no way a cocky person. I was raised and groomed to have confidence. My insecurities have always been more so with health issues than image. I was insecure about my insecurities. I’d never had a declining moment with self esteem during my adolescent years, but it took a hit during my college years. Growing up I didn’t have any major skin issues aside from what we all assumed to be a heat rash. Every summer (or so it seemed) I’d get little red bumps on one of my forearms. It happened other times when my body seemed to get overheated. The rashes lasted no longer than three or four days so there was no need to go to the doctor.
In the midst of all of the grammy chatter I felt it was only right that I finally completed this post and shared my feelings and love of music, especially after the amazing performance by A Tribe Called Quest, Anderson .Paak, Consequence and Busta Rhymes . This isn’t about music and politics, just the healing powers of music. Enjoy.
I can’t remember a moment in my life when music wasn’t present. Happy, sad, angry, depressed, births and deaths. It has always been playing in the background. When my family celebrated there was music. When we were going through various trials and tribulations, there was music. When no one felt the need to talk and silence may have been unbearable, there was music. Continue reading
Ugh! I know in June I originally wanted to do an overall reflection of 2016 as I was doing a mid-point reflection of the year. Now that it’s that time I’m really not wanting to, but I cannot just drop something I set out to do lol so here goes.
2016 sucked in the most beautiful way. I endured many obstacles on a personal and professional level. I lost many loved ones whom I took for granted and just knew they’d always be here. I’ve had so many beautiful experiences – I’ve cried in public with strangers, I’ve tapped into my emotions, I’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable, I’ve experienced accepting love without constantly overthinking motives, I’ve met a wonderful man who in all of his brokenness is a King who I am grateful to have met. I’ve learned many hard lessons like putting myself first and being selfish, because in your 20’s with no kids and obligations other than self, that’s what you’re supposed to do. I’ve struggled with my anger, I’ve been accepted into graduate school and wanted to give up on it all in the same semester. I’ve experienced the world a bit more through my fearless travels, I’ve allowed myself to fail, to “give-up” and much more based on what I felt. I allowed my heart to lead me more than I have in my 25 years of existence. I’ve hopped on a plane to see that broken King and in all the fear allow myself to be open with and to him. I did not complete any of the books I set out to and I’ve witnessed several friends including a few who do not read and heavily complain about writing author and publish books. I’ve connected with strangers on the smallest of things but on the greatest of levels; human rights, music, naturalism, pro blackness, positivity. I’ve let go of family and friends (which has and probably will always be the toughest thing ever for me to do).
So while tons of people are grateful for this year to be coming to a close and are ranting about all of the shittyness that came with it, I’m grateful and it’s a bittersweet feeling to see it go. It is my hope that I continue to grow into the next year and I personally do not retract from any of the amazing progress I’ve made. I thank those of you who follow me, those who send messages and comments (from love, conversation and even edits) and those who uplift me and encourage me to continue to share. It is deeply appreciated.
If no one has told you today I love you, you are cared for and you are needed! I’ll see you all in 2017.
– Viola Constance
2016 has been very good to me I must admit. After going through a tough year in 2015 – dealing with depression and more- I completely shut all the way down. Looking back I realize just how bad 2015 was. I was down in the dumps about plenty. I still hadn’t been admitted to a graduate program, I was waitlisted then declined to go to Peace Corps, I went through the long and tedious application and interview process to be a probation officer for LA County and was rejected nearing the end of the process, dealing with family and personal issues, I was at a job that I had a love/hate (loved the clients, hated the organization) relationship for, and unbeknownst to me back then, I hadn’t seen any of my really good/close friends in over a year. I was literally a robot. I’d routinely get out go to work, write a bit and sleep until the next day to do it all over again. Somehow I managed to groom myself and eat occasionally to keep up appearance. I told everyone all was well, but really I couldn’t see my purpose. My confidence was declining. That joy, hope and love for life just wasn’t there. Then one day I decided to share my feelings with those closest to me.