life

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What About Your Friends: vol. 2, The Power of Friendship

About one month ago I posted the following to my snap:

“Love my friends. We’re all walking down our own paths, but to still be there for one another no matter the distance, time difference, etc…” posted on voila.its.viola on 8/2/18

This hit me at a time where I felt like I had just gotten it all together and now it was falling apart and all I could do was smile. I had been in a constant communication with two friends (Domo and Drea) who I basically share almost everything with. I’d been a little in my feelings about other friends that are never around or answer when I need them, but I’m always there for them.

My friend Mario called me via Facebook at bootycall hours. At first I wasn’t going to answer, but after just waking up from a horrible dream and reading a bible verse I picked up. Something told me to talk to him. Plus, I’ve come to learn that when folks call at that hour it’s usually bad news. At first I joked with him “hey man, what I tell you about calling me during these hour?” Lol. He apologized and shared with me the loss of his mother. Continue reading →

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6-Week Fitness Challenge

Yesterday my fitness challenge has ended and I am disappointed. Eh, maybe not disappointed, but I feel a ways about it. Not with the program. Not with the journey. And believe it or not not with myself. My own personal fitness goals were to start eating better, drop some pounds (at least 10), and more importantly loose body fat. I’m still not sure exactly what besides not meeting the goal the gym set for me. Loose 6 percent body fat. My BMI was high y’all. I feel something like a failure.

I knew it would be challenging as I am not as young or active as I used to be. However, I was pushing myself to stick to it and give my all for the results, not just temporarily but for life. In the beginning I wasn’t seeing results, but during weigh in the results were there and a bit unbelievable to me. Then halfway into to it, it seemed to flip. I was losing pounds and body fat and BOMB, all of a sudden body fat increases. It hit me hard.

Beginning weigh in: 159lbs and 29% body fat

Final weigh in: 147lbs and 26% body fat

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Reflections on 2018 Thus Far

I’m learning to embrace all aspects of my journey. Before, I honestly despised reflecting on the negative things that have occurred in my life. I guess that was my (unhealthy) way of coping. I’ve grown and matured in a way that allows me to reflect and not dwell on the past hurts. I’m learning to reflect, feel, acknowledge and continue forward. Always forward.

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The Truth Isn’t For Everyone

I think one of the biggest life lessons I’ve learned [so far] this year is that the truth isn’t for everyone. Everyone can’t handle the truth. Everyone doesn’t want to face their truth, whatever that may be. I try to be as honest, as truthful and up-front as I can possibly can. Not in regards to solely my own feelings and opinions, but that of others as well. I’ve found that just because someone says they want honesty doesn’t mean honesty 24/7 and in every realm. I’ve noticed that words and actions do not always match up. My eyes have been opened to see that just because the truth is my truth, honesty is my route and having others deliver it to me “straight with no chaser,” doesn’t mean that is how everyone else, even those I love and care about wish to receive information. It’s been said that you don’t have to look far for the truth if you really want it and I can attest to that. I have to realize that I cannot help or shelter everyone I love.

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Hiatus Over: Back to Business

I don’t fear being alone or in the company of others. I fear becoming involved with someone and them leaving me. Be it in a friendship or a relationship. It takes so much out of me. It’s tough opening up to someone and allowing them in. It’s far more difficult to let go when I’ve made a place for them in my heart. The emptiness is what hurts because that hollow space was customly created for that one being. It can never be filled…

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Insecurities

I never thought I’d be a person with insecurities. I am in no way a cocky person. I was raised and groomed to have confidence. My insecurities have always been more so with health issues than image. I was insecure about my insecurities. I’d never had a declining moment with self esteem during my adolescent years, but it took a hit during my college years. Growing up I didn’t have any major skin issues aside from what we all assumed to be a heat rash. Every summer (or so it seemed) I’d get little red bumps on one of my forearms. It happened other times when my body seemed to get overheated. The rashes lasted no longer than three or four days so there was no need to go to the doctor.

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Influence of Music | Music Therapy

In the midst of all of the grammy chatter I felt it was only right that I finally completed this post and shared my feelings and love of music, especially after the amazing performance by A Tribe Called Quest, Anderson .Paak, Consequence and Busta Rhymes . This isn’t about music and politics, just the healing powers of music. Enjoy.

I can’t remember a moment in my life when music wasn’t present. Happy, sad, angry, depressed, births and deaths. It has always been playing in the background. When my family celebrated there was music. When we were going through various trials and tribulations, there was music. When no one felt the need to talk and silence may have been unbearable, there was music. Continue reading →