I don’t fear being alone or in the company of others. I fear becoming involved with someone and them leaving me. Be it in a friendship or a relationship. It takes so much out of me. It’s tough opening up to someone and allowing them in. It’s far more difficult to let go when I’ve made a place for them in my heart. The emptiness is what hurts because that hollow space was customly created for that one being. It can never be filled…
I spent my summer hibernating. I read and slept regardless of where I was or who I was with and it was awesome! I mentally took a break from pretty much everything that would intrigue me enough that I’d obsess and fall into deep research about. I spent a month with my mom, eldest sister and niece and it was nice, we survived. I didn’t stress a bit over bills or tuition or when the break was over how I needed to budget my money. I’d planned and made a backup plan, and decided that if none of it worked it was at I’d survive and figure it out when it’s in my face.
I wrote, but not so publicly. I added to one if my books and randomly shared the feelings within the confines of my cellphone (reason for beginning of post). I reopened a wound that I’d recovered from twice. I was upset myself for allowing that, but third times a charm right? So that wound and the situation from which it was birth are now dead and I believing I’m healing in a healthy way.
I’ve landed an internship that I’ve wanted since I graduated high school. I’ve survived week one of year two of my graduate program and I’m over zealous about it. Regardless of the workload this semester seems so promising to me… that and I feel I’ll finally actually enjoy my classes. Last but not least, I’ve gotten over this feeling of pressure to post and have a few pieces lined up or this month. I’ve progressed in so many ways personally. I’ve gained weight. I’ve loved. I’ve lived. I’ve forgiven. All freely and unapologetically. And now I prepare to grow in wisdom and age and work restlessly for graduation, my career and the life I want to live.
Thanks for tagging along throughout my journey.
It’s appreciated & you’re loved!
– Viola Constance