About one month ago I posted the following to my snap:
This hit me at a time where I felt like I had just gotten it all together and now it was falling apart and all I could do was smile. I had been in a constant communication with two friends (Domo and Drea) who I basically share almost everything with. I’d been a little in my feelings about other friends that are never around or answer when I need them, but I’m always there for them.
My friend Mario called me via Facebook at bootycall hours. At first I wasn’t going to answer, but after just waking up from a horrible dream and reading a bible verse I picked up. Something told me to talk to him. Plus, I’ve come to learn that when folks call at that hour it’s usually bad news. At first I joked with him “hey man, what I tell you about calling me during these hour?” Lol. He apologized and shared with me the loss of his mother. I had no words. I knew she had transitioned (thanks to social media), but I had no details. I figured I was supposed to be awake in order for him to share that and get it off of his chest. I can’t and didn’t want to imagine losing my mom. After our chat I felt good that we could share those heavy things with one another and still clown and joke like we did in high school. He didn’t know it, but he transferred his strength and laughter on to me at a time when it was needed and before it would REALLY be needed (see last blog post).
Literally two days later another friend, Jazz, called me to deliver a message. She also addressed the very thing that I hadn’t shared with her or anyone else about being a friend and always there when someone needed me or wanted me around. She and I have been friends almost as long as we’ve been alive. we’ve known one another since the fourth grade. It hurt me to not have her attend events or just hang out when I needed or wanted to, but I was almost always there for her. Graduations, birthday parties, family events. But I never said anything to her about it. I always kept in mind that she may be battling something that I’m not aware of or even know how to let me in on what may be going on. She confirmed what I felt and apologized for it and proceeded with her message (not gonna share, what’s for me is for me). That call gave me comfort and reassurance in who I am and the kind of friend I am. It honestly scared me a bit, because, I mean how did she know? I’d recently been thinking about this after agreeing to help her move.
Friendship can be very powerful if the frientimacy (I read that somewhere, I didn’t make it up) is there and well-balanced. If the friendship nourishes and supports parties involved, if there are equal parts positivity, consistency and vulnerability and, again, all parties are encouraged and strengthened. I’ve never known how to put it into words, but that about sums it up. Friendships where all parties gain something, have pleasant experiences and shared values. It has been something that I’ve craved since childhood and not “disposable friendships.” However, that’s another post for another time.
If you’re reading this, reflect on your friendships, call up a friend or two and make sure they know you love and support them.
– Viola Constance