As of late, I’ve been told dozens of times that I “still have time.” You still have time to get into your career. You still have time to have kids. You still have time to xyz. I get it, I get it. Stop the pressure, relax and keep pushing forward. But, with all this time I supposedly have, why is it that folks seem to want to rush things in my life?

When are you going to get married?

When are you going to have a child?

When are you going to date?

I’m constantly bombarded with why are you still single? Why won’t you give what’s-his-face a [second] chance? What happened to that last guy you mentioned that one time? Blah Blah Blah. Do they not think if I had of those answers I’d still be single? Maybe, lol, but seriously allow people their time with their life choices.

This isn’t a dating rant (I may have another one of those coming soon, possibly cringe-worthy), but a more focused convo on the construction of time and comfortable categories.

Time, in short, is an illusion.

No I’m not “one of those people”. Take that however you wish, but I think we give more power and energy to time which was created for a system. On top of that, everyone’s “time clock” is set differently. From my life experience, what gives us comfort (aside from some sense of control) is drawing from our experience. It helps us make sense of things. One of the ways we do this is when taking in new information we categories and label based off of what we know and have experienced.

Death also helps put time into perspective for some of us. Usually it is the realization that we don’t have “much” time or life is too short. 

Okay, now I feel like I’m just rambling.

What recently brought this up for me was a few conversations. One about having kids (yet again) and someone basically said you’re not getting any younger so you need to get on it. A debate followed as I said adoption is always an option. Smh moving on.

Another conversation was because a close friend said yo are always moving/on the go/busy, when do you take a break? When do you take time for yourself, because you don’t travel as frequently as you used to. This one hit home for me, because she was absolutely right. Hell, in my day to day work day I barely take actual breaks. Traveling was my reset and refresh time. It helped me destress, reflect, have fun and put things into perspective.

The final conversation was a repeated conversation that I’ve had with an array of individuals as well as myself. It is acting on life changes for growth like career changes, moving across country and more. Things that require risks. I think for me personally, I’ve played life pretty safely. I’ve honestly been stuck in survival mode, but that’s another topic. The risks I’ve taken have even been thought out. I can’t help it. However, I can remember a period in my life when I didn’t overthink as deeply and wasn’t fearful of any possible outcomes from risks. That was a time I tell you!

I’ll leave you all and myself with this: while we do not know the amount of “time” we have left here, do as you please with it. Handle it in a manner that just before your time is through you will reflect on it without regrets or what ifs.

                                     – Viola Constance

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