“These poems came about as a way to forget. A way to get rid of the sad and keep all of the happy. My attempt at being vulnerable and sorting through the waves of emotions I felt. Taking those tough feelings from relations and relationships where reciprocation was never given, where love was one sided. These are my feelings which have been buried for far too long. I’ve held onto hurt and shame mercilessly. This is my release.”Viola Constance
This is surreal. It’s been 5 days of me trying to process that I achieved one of my lifelong dreams. On Wednesday, February 15th, 2023 I officially published my first book Vulnerability: It’s Not That Deep. It is a collection of poetry that moves through various stages and ranges of love. It is my attempt at processing, healing and dealing with my emotions. It was my therapy in painfully dark times. Not to be biased (totally biased), but it is beautiful.
In December 2022 I shared with a co-worker/friend my love for writing and my goal of being published. She excitedly encouraged me to move forward with self publishing my work. She became intrigued when I shared that I write poetry. Instantly she became my accountability partner and not only did she push me to accomplish something major for myself, but she also helped me feel my passion and joy for writing, editing and creating. This has been a constant struggle for me since moving for some reason. It started out as writer’s block and morphed into a slight fear. What if I’d lost my “mojo”? Is it like riding a bike?
My dear friend and fellow author spoke in terms that I understood and simplified the process for me. We came up with a checklist – deadlines, date of publication and poem selections. I already had my poems selected so I began arranging them. After coming up with a flow that made sense to me, I texted her a date.
“2/14/23 deadline to have my book done & published”Viola Constance 12/21/22 4:40pm
She was straight forward, direct, yet very gentle. That was needed. Like Erykah said, I’m an artist, and I’m sensitive about my shit! That was the truth and an understatement at once. While my poems are art, they are personal and share some personal moments not only from my life and memory, but the lives of others. That is the part that scared me. Not my book not doing well or people enjoying it, but the fact that I’ve shared things that not only “belonged” to me. I didn’t want any judgement for anyone else. I struggle with always wanting to protect other people. I’m working on it.
Anywhos, I started small by allowing two people to read my book, edit and give me feedback. It was easy, almost like being in a small writer’s workshop. They both checked in almost weekly for updates and what was next to get this book out. I actually froze up at one point and did not do anything book related for almost two weeks. I did not look at my outline or initial drafts. I did not mention anything about the book to my two accountability partners. I slept. Two weeks before deadline I hauled ass. How can I give up on me and my dream? How can these two people believe in me more than me? That’s crazy! I needed to change that.
I officially had to be vulnerable with my colleagues in order to get this done. I also was sure to keep focus on my goal. Not sales. Not possible monies made. I just wanted to publish it. I wanted to leave something that says I was here. And it is here.
Please support by purchasing a book, leaving a review and sharing it with others. My heart is literally on the pages. Enjoy.