Can You Get Cold Feet Without the Wedding?

Is there a term or phrase for someone who displays “cold feet” when you’re not getting married or in a serious relationship for that matter? Is it just called nerves? I mean it’s happening left and right to men and women. I’ve had conversations with others who have shared that they felt a certain situation or relationship was moving up and on on a more serious exclusive note, but then it all turns to shit. Oh boy how much I could relate. What’s up with that?

As I’ve previously mentioned the individual I’d become very fond of and more than just interested in fell off of the face of the earth. In his fashion he resurfaced and I wasn’t really here for it for numerous reasons. For the sake of space and sanity I’ll just share that I felt his pop ups in and out of my life weren’t healthy to or for me. Those moments we did reconnect there was always something negative he had to share, someone else he was rubbing in my face, or him down in the pits on a wooh is me trip. If it were good, I felt he’d find a way to piss on it. He’d get an attitude out of nowhere and I was left trying to figure out what I said wrong or how did I trigger that attitude. But it wasn’t me though! And I am not alone.

More recently a really close friend shared that she’d been dealing with the same thing. Everything was really good. The guy she had been spending time with dropped the L word. He’d praised the universe for their meeting and uniting say how lucky he was to have her in his life and then BAM! Attitude kicks in, anytime she asks a question their a nasty response. Simple outings for lunch or meeting up for a weekend are difficult and causes strain. The hell went wrong? I asked her had they’d gotten into it over anything major while I was away? She said no. Prior to my month long trip she said she noticed his attitude and how easily he gets upset, but ignored it because 1) she thought maybe she’s over thinking it and doesn’t want to start anything and 2) when she did ask him what was wrong or whether or not everything was okay he’d either get all lovey Dovey and apologize or the attitude increases. What in the world?

I’d thought about this when I was dealing with the this. Everything’s good. I like him, he claims he likes me. I believed we were exclusively talking to one another. There wasn’t any pressure on either of us from the other. He thanked me for always being there and glad that we’d met. And then silence. Attitude. Cold feet?

I finally said it out loud to my friend asking her if that made any sense. She said it did to her and that she hadn’t thought of it that way. Is it possible to get so nervous about something good that you ruin it? Well yes it is, I know this first hand. I use to be the master of this (probably explains why I clung to hm for so long). I told her maybe he’s getting cold feet. He knows he has to continue to come correct, you don’t accept any mess, and to move forward would mean no more “freedom”. Was he afraid of turning in his bachelors card? Did he think about what he’d be giving up? I told my friend that’s what I’d thought about after my last encounter with the guy I’d fallen hard for. I told her I didn’t want to put my feelings off on her or turn her situation into mine. She shared that it’s been there and she did think about that. That he did share with her that he’d cut off the female “friends” that he’d had lingering around because he was focused on her. She thought well maybe he regrets that, maybe he isn’t ready for what I’m ready for.

When does it all become too much? When and why do people get cold feet? Is there anything your partner could do to help? I have so many questions and not nearly enough answers. Is it just a fear of unknown territory or reminders of failed pasts?

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