I’ve been struggling with what I wanted to share next. I haven’t had any real inspiration as of late. It seemingly has been blocked. I don’t know by what, I’m assuming by self. I’ve been listening to those around me and I’ve even asked others what I should write next. With suggested topics, I found that, well everything offered sucked! I mean, that’s how I initially felt. Why did they suck? Because I had no connections to them. I haven’t experienced or fully experienced some of these things that others thought would be good to explore and discuss. I’m connected to the things that I write. I FEEL the things I write and to me it would be a disservice to my readers if I did simply typed out things that I thought people just wanted to read. I need to relate to it so others can relate to it. That’s how conversations go, right?
Until our next conversation dear friends,
– Viola Constance
When I was thinking about friendships past and present and wrote my previous blog post I did not think about the friendships that failed I did not think about the friendships that ended and left me feeling bad. I decided I wouldn’t write about the downer until I read about for intimacy and in that article disposable friends were mentioned. I looked into this term more, and it kind of hit me. In these so-called friendships that ended and still stung me a bit, I was a disposable friend. I could not recall them being true friends to me the way that I had been to them. They were around and called me to be there when they needed it for be it for comfort, support, encouragement, love or entertainment. Both males and females.
Since I’ve moved from California to Georgia, I’ve been doing tons of reflecting. One of the things that continuously crosses my mind is where I am in life. Although I’ve been trying hard to stay away from a life of checking off boxes – you know go to college, graduate, get a well-paid career, get married, buy a home, have kids etc…- there’s one thing that’s been a bother.
Yesterday my fitness challenge has ended and I am disappointed. Eh, maybe not disappointed, but I feel a ways about it. Not with the program. Not with the journey. And believe it or not not with myself. My own personal fitness goals were to start eating better, drop some pounds (at least 10), and more importantly loose body fat. I’m still not sure exactly what besides not meeting the goal the gym set for me. Loose 6 percent body fat. My BMI was high y’all. I feel something like a failure.
I knew it would be challenging as I am not as young or active as I used to be. However, I was pushing myself to stick to it and give my all for the results, not just temporarily but for life. In the beginning I wasn’t seeing results, but during weigh in the results were there and a bit unbelievable to me. Then halfway into to it, it seemed to flip. I was losing pounds and body fat and BOMB, all of a sudden body fat increases. It hit me hard.
Beginning weigh in: 159lbs and 29% body fat
Final weigh in: 147lbs and 26% body fat
I’m back! Again. After about one month of blog silence, I’m back. I didn’t have brain freeze, nor was it due to lack of content, but homeslessness. Yes, you read that right. I’ve been struggling with accepting it and sharing it with others other than those involved and my mother. It was tough, but now I’m ready and able to share.
In the last 3 months I’ve moved at total of four times. Yes, you read right, four. Not really by choice if you will, but more so for a purpose. In my hiatus, I stressed about not being employed for a spell, not being about to contribute to household bills let alone clear my credit cards and more. And in the same breath I began working on myself inside and out. I completed a gratitude challenge with 21ninety, I kicked out cash (my last at the time that was gifted to me for a new camera) that I really didn’t have for a 6-week gym challenge and membership. Aside from caring for myself, I would also be caring for my six-year-old niece part-time. It didn’t seem like a lot. The bigger picture was always in mind.
I’m learning to embrace all aspects of my journey. Before, I honestly despised reflecting on the negative things that have occurred in my life. I guess that was my (unhealthy) way of coping. I’ve grown and matured in a way that allows me to reflect and not dwell on the past hurts. I’m learning to reflect, feel, acknowledge and continue forward. Always forward.