Near the completion of my second college career I decided that I’d get more into reading self-help books, tending to my mental help and providing myself with continuous self-love (hey, that ought to be a post on it’s on ;)). During this journey, that I plan to make a permanent part of my lifestyle, I came across a 21 Day Gratitude Challenge.
Life is crazy. Life can be full of sh!t. But life is what YOU make it. I plan to make the most out of mine, my way. There are many things – negative, painful, revolting – in my life, and people including myself, that have contributed to all of the chaos that I have encountered and always dealt with in my head.
I’ve been thinking of ways to revamp and liven-up my blog. Now that school is finally over (all exaggeration) I want to be sure to dedicate some of my time and energy back into this site, especially because not only do I miss it, I’ve recently gotten a few new followers and I have things to share and hopefully you’ll want to read about them. So let me back track a bit to catch you guys up.
I see the way you look at me
the way you stare
those eyes full of hate
your judgmental glares.
I’m not a size two
nor do I care about the coil or kink of my hair
I won’t apologize for my self-love
that you can’t bare
a beautiful woman of color
nothing can compare.
I hear your disapproving whispers
your pointing fingers
because of the beauty you fail to see
And a love you don’t understand
Mad cus we interracial
I call to embrace reappraisal
with it my magnificence glows
You try your hardest to make my highs
so low, your mindset is so skin deep
it makes me cynical, makes me livid, makes me weep!
Your insults will no longer bring us down
We will come together black & brown
Strength and courage to uplift us
You can continue to fuss
We are minorities no longer
We’re making a comeback
We coming back stronger
Brown & black
The underdogs no more
Higher and higher together we soar
Like Maya Angelou we will rise
To your hate we say our goodbyes
You can no longer enslave us our minds are free
Today we let go of your negative thoughts towards we.
By: Stephanie Cofield & Viola Constance
The year is half way over and while a part of me feels like it has just started, another part of me is like damn it’s basically 2017. After so many ups and an equal amount of downs I’ve decided to reflect on my 2016. I’ve dealt with depression, family, death, accidents, like (because love hasn’t reared) and much more. In reflecting I’ve found that in this short amount of time (this year) I’ve grown and learned so much as well.
* * * * *
At the top of the year I was pulling myself out of a depressing state. In December I was in a car accident with my mom that left her car totaled and both of us scared and confused. As a parent she was worried about my health and well being. As a child I feared burying my mom. A part of me was content that we were together when it happened. I am very protective of my mother and as far back as I could remember I’ve always told my mom she couldn’t “leave” without me. We would go together. The irony of the accident was that I’d just left the hospital; was released and told that I was in “perfect health.” Negative forces were definitely displeased. I couldn’t understand how someone could not see an entire car. I couldn’t stand that I saw the car coming at us, into my side, and couldn’t yell out fast or loud enough for there to be a reaction that would’ve gotten us out of the way or the other car to stop. Obviously I blamed myself for something that was completely beyond my control.
On Being Mary Jane’s “Sparrow” episode Dr. Lisa Hudson played by Latarsha Rose commits suicide. There’s honest dialogue about mental illness and suicide within the black community. Mary Jane states that we all should “tell everyone that you love them, that you will love them no matter how ugly their truth is.”
In an interview about her character’s departure from the show, Rose said “I don’t know that everyone has the opportunity to really get vulnerable and honest when dealing with the pain. The question is, why does a person choose to do this? I think it’s different for every person, and if we’re taking about suicide, we never know why a person chooses it.” She is absolutely right.